I feel like I am some sort of anomoly. Too tired to put up much of a fight. Too wary of watching plans crumble to make any. I certainly don’t want to see 2015 stick around. True, there were a few truly great things that have happened. Monumental things. There have also been some really hard, devastating things. Some things that have changed my heart and maybe the way I see the world. Monumental things. I don’t know. There are some good things that have become from the bad things. My view of the world for one thing. I have truly seen some AMAZING things come out of brokeness. People truly putting themselves aside and bearing another persons burdens to the best of their ability. I am not sure how my view of the world was before. I have always tried to be a kind person but, I don’t know. Now, my main goal is to just…Be kind. Period. To Everyone. To my neighbor who I do not like as a person and who has been just downright crazy at times, to the older gentelman who comes into my parents store and asks my opinions of videos and always gives me a tentative side-hug as if he isn’t sure if I will slap him but, it’s the only human to human contact he may have had in days. To the woman who thinks I am her enemy even though I don’t know why. To the bullies and the backstabbers, the cheerleaders and the friends. Of course, there are those who I will be more invested in than others. But, perhaps that was what I learned the most in 2015. You don’t have to be invested to be kind.
I suppose that was a good lesson. I wish life hadn’t felt the need to show me so brutally. When you feel others pain deeply, it makes you vulnerable to be hurt deeply when they are. And they were, more of them than I can list. Those I love. Those I *AM* invested in. Those who don’t *deserve* the 2015 they lived. And I was. personally. In the grand scheme of “this pain” vs. “that pain” mine was relaly pretty minimal.
So, what will my 2016 be? I have no idea. I didn’t expect my 2015 to be veiled with a curtain of death after death, joy after joy,and tragedy after tragedy and such an emotional roller-coaster. I didn’t expect to spend weeks with family and friends in the hospital, for all sorts of reasons. I would really prefer this year that I never need enter a hospital or funeral home or vet’s office. I am PLANNING to focus on growing my business, simplifying and organizing my home, spending time with and on new friendships and old ones that mean so much and have proven that they are solid and giving from both sides. I plan to be more focused in my devotional time. I plan to eat healthier and lose a little weight. I plan to paint and write. I plan to learn something new, maybe a language, or relearn something that I used to know. I plan to travel. I plan to be careful with my spending and my planning so that when the opportunity comes to be frivolous I can be. But, it really isn’t about *My* plan anyway is it.
I plan to be open to change, to better, to memory making.
to be kind.
and we will see…
What God has planned for my 2016.