A Note For Girls…and the Mother’s Who Raise Them

Do you remember what the world was like at 7? 8? 12? I do. For me it was primarily lonely. I have never had an easy time of “making friends” I never fit the “in crowd” and I wasn’t good at being unique either. So, I melted.I melted in where I wasn’t noticed. I have lived in the same relatively small community for most of my life. And yet, there are many, who don’t even know I went to school with them. Oh, I made a few friends. And, I am still relatively close to each of them. ( I am SO GRATEFUL for those relationships) There were few enough it hasn’t been overly hard to remain in contact.  Highschool was a little better. But, mostly because with the exception of a couple of girls I had grown up being friends with I was the girl who was friends with the guys. It was easier that way and I felt included and popular dating one of the “popular” guys.

It wasn’t until I was married and then had kids I felt like I needed to have girl friends to survive. Let me tell ya. IT IS TERRIFYING. I don’t do catty. I don’t do gossipy. I don’t do judgemental. It’s just not easy for me to do those things. ( that isn’t to say I haven’t sinned in this way. Just means it isn’t normal or easy. There are other things I find much easier to fall on)

Growing up, I remember feeling like I was sitting outside this window watching all these groups of girls…And I didn’t fit into any of them.

I feel the same way now.

It’s sad.

And then I get angry. Because, I see and hear my daughter. And, already she is facing the same reality. In second grade she is struggling with ” I feel like if I make new friends the old ones are mad at me” and “If I want to play with them mom, I have to play the way they say” and ” I played by myself today mom. I wasn’t invited to play with….”  Dear, women, WHY are we raising another generation of girls who tear each other down?

I’m sorry if it offends you, but, teaching your daughter to avoid each other or that it’s OK to leave someone out if you don’t like something they are doing is LUDICROUS! Teaching our girls to group up with girls of similar interest and disclude those who have different ones while “celebrating individuality” is JUST WRONG.

WHY, do we find it so much easier to teach our girls to go about life, and friendships (especially girl// girl) the same way we did instead of teaching them to JUST LOVE.

As Christians that is all we are called to do. LOVE. As Christ loved us. Everyone. For no reason at all and despite every reason in the world. If you don’t consider yourself a christian it is a pretty decent philosophy to follow as well.

What would your world feel like if you knew you were primarily just loved? If the MAJORITY of the people in your life just showed grace, acceptance and love. Regardless of what you did.

Now, I am not saying that your little girl should be best buds with every person she comes in contact with. BUT, if someone on the playground, at the lockers, on the team, at work, at school, at CHURCH is alone. IT never hurts to ask.

Let’s teach our daughters to avoid SITUATIONS, NOT PEOPLE. Let’s teach our girls to love each other. Really, love, each other. TO smile, to wave, to nod, to include. Not, to run away. Not to ever say ” I won’t be your friend if” .

The reality is we are all different. We aren’t always all going to get along. We aren’t going to always agree. But, it IS possible to be friends anyway. As a race we are faced with enough yucky stuff. Cancer. Tragedy. Illness. Death. Loss. WHY add self-esteem and Making Friends to that category?

Let’s teach them to talk out differences. To find compromises. To share their feelings and their hearts. Isn’t that what fellowship is?

Websters Dictionary:

Friend : a :  one attached to another by affection or esteem ; b: one that is not hostile

Fellowship: a friendly relationship among people